"Mama broke car, so sad."

This is what Austin said all night Wednesday after I crashed and most likely totalled our van. Of course I had all four kids in the car but fortunately everyone was okay.

I came home from Girls Camp Wednesday afternoon to find Grandma leaving with all the kids. When I asked where she was going she said she didn't know but that our house was being shown from 4-5 and so she was leaving with the kids. It was already 4:00 so I frantically did a quick check over the house, put the carseats back in the van, and loaded the kids up. We decided to hang out at Grandma's for a little while.

Feeling a little overwhelmed by current events in my life I wasn't paying attention and drove past Grandma's street. I pulled over to the shoulder and saw in my rear view mirror as she made the turn. I told the kids I need to turn around and just as I started my U-turn, BAM! I never even saw the guy.

I'm so glad everyone was okay and I'm grateful that it wasn't worse. When I checked on the kids Cameron was crying and asked if we needed to buy a new car. I said "yes". Then she asked if our new car could have a t.v. I said "yes Cameron, whatever you want". I knew she must not have been hurt too bad. Austin still had his rice crispy treat in his hand and just looked a little shocked. Grandma was able to take the kids to her house while we waited for the tow truck and filled out information for the police.

I still feel shocked and upset and miserable because I know it was all my fault. I keep reviewing in my mind what happened and promising myself that I'll never let it happen again. Hopefully time will calm my nerves and help me feel better about driving again.