When I got to the finish line after my first 10k, the Speedy Spaniard, I cried. I almost sobbed but I held it back for fear of making a fool of myself. It took me a little over an hour to finish the 10k. This duathlon will definitely take me over 2 1/2 hours. So I'm hoping I don't lose it after the first hour and cry myself through the rest. Not that there's anything wrong with crying, I was just hoping to be tougher than that.
I think I'm psyching myself out.
I spoke at a little Stake event last night. I was prepared and even excited to share what I had prepared but for some reason I got so nervous. All day my stomach was in knots and then 10 minutes before I had to speak my knees were actually knocking together. It was weird, but I was terrified. Everything turned out fine in the end and I made it through. I even felt good about how things went and got some nice compliments. Fortunately, in case I was feeling a little too sure of myself, Cameron says, "So,... how's your pride?" as we were walking out the door. Thanks Cam. I was feeling good but swiftly humbled.
I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and grateful to not be nervous anymore but as the day wore on and I tried to plan my week for last minute workouts before the race this weekend the nervousness crept back into my stomach. I don't feel sure of myself anymore and it's driving me crazy. I keep trying to tell myself to be realistic and just relax and enjoy the race as a celebration that I've actually worked out for the first winter in my life. But it's not working. I'm just nervous. Ugh.
3 comments:
It seems to me that you are entrenched in EXPECTATIONS, maybe you could think a little about "accepting" whatever happens. You've done great - we're all proud of you. Everybody has to crawl before they can walk.
Boy, that was a load.
You can do it! You are doing amazing stuff, even finishing something like that is such an accomplishment (even if there is some crying). Go Lauren!
Hello, I did a 10-K through Snow Canyon a few years ago. My first race ever. The first three miles are so beautiful, I barely noticed I was running. It's a great dirt road. The next three miles were the hardest. Just keep the positive thoughts going. You'll be fine. Thanks for Values Conference. You seemed so calm once you were up there.
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