Faith, Trust, and Primary

I guess I've been in a thoughtful mood lately. I usually try to break up my wordy posts with pictures of what the kids are up to but once again I have a thought I'd like to remember and realized I better write it down before I forget or the whirlwind of life takes away my chance.

Earlier last week I took a look at my upcoming primary lesson. There was an attention activity that went something like this...

Give the children a 20 inch piece of string. Have them hold one end of the string in their right hand and the other end in their left hand. Ask them to tie a knot in the string without letting go of the ends. This is actually impossible so after asking the children if it's too hard you have them try it again but first have them fold their arms and pick up one end of the string with their right hand and the other with their left hand. Have them hold onto the ends as they unfold their arms. The string will be knotted.

Despite how cool that activity idea was I then read this...

Point out that the children could tie the knot when you showed them how to do it. Tell the children that in the same way we all have challenges in our lives that might seem impossible to solve if we do all we can and put our trust in Heavenly Father, he will help us find the answers.

Right then I started to cry. On that particular evening Ryan was out of town and I was feeling overwhelmed with the challenges that were coming up in the next few days. I often feel overwhelmed with not being able to get done all the things I think need to be done for the home, the kids, my husband, neighbors, friends, etc. I was feeling particularly caught up in the emotion especially since I needed to sew a hole in Cameron's new winter coat and lacking the needed sewing skills I had no idea how to do it. It was late and I was tired and just wanted to go to bed.

Then Ryan called. I told him what I was feeling and he simply asked why I didn't ask God for help. Part of me felt frustrated and I said, why would God help me with something silly like sewing Cameron's coat? And how can he help me with being able to have enough time to do all the things I feel are important like working with Eden on her spelling words, helping Austin with reading, making sure the kids do their piano, etc. all while getting dinner ready and running around for all the afternoon activities? It seemed impossible to me that God could help me with something I just needed to DO myself. If I had more time and more energy I could get it all done but it wasn't like God could add hours to the day.

Ryan told me that I was being prideful and lacking faith. That stung pretty bad and I wanted to hang up and be done with the conversation but I decided to take a minute and be honest with myself. I knew what he said was true but I didn't know what to do about it. I felt trapped in my emotions and anxieties. Once again he told me to pray about it and we hung up.

So I did what he asked. I prayed and asked for help to sew the ridiculous hole in Cameron's coat so she could wear it to school the next day. Amazingly, I was able to get it all put together. It doesn't look pretty but if you don't look too closely you can't really see the crooked job I did. I felt a little better and went to bed.

Obviously, last week was a bit of a challenge. Instead of things getting easier, they got harder. But looking back on it now I see how much I was blessed. There were people to help me, family, neighbors, and friends. And I was blessed with inspiration to know how to handle each challenge as it came about. I had the energy and health that I needed and by the end of the week I was able to see that I had accomplished everything I needed to do.

Then on Saturday morning Ryan and I ran a 10k. I thought I was crazy. I should have taken advantage of the day to rest after such a long week but instead I ran my best 10k ever. I finished 9 minutes faster than the last 10k I ran a few years ago. Just a few weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to go that fast but I've been running with a sweet neighbor who has been pushing me to go faster.

If you had asked me earlier that week what was possible I would have said only a few things of the many I was able to accomplish. When my friend Kelly asked me what time I expected to get for the 10k I told her I just wanted to beat 1 hr. 9 min. but in my heart I had my doubts. Now, I'm sitting here in awe of what a little faith, trust, and a primary lesson can do.

Finally, as I was putting the finishing touches on my lesson for Sunday I came across 1 Nephi 15:8. Nephi had just told his brothers about his vision of the tree of life and all the things he saw regarding the future. They said they couldn't understand what he was talking about and he said, "...Have ye inquired of the Lord?" Then in verse 9 they say, "... We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us." It hit me that I sounded just like that when I thought the Lord couldn't help me with things that seemed so out of His control. But I hadn't even bothered to ask. It was a reminder to me that the Lord expects us to be able to accomplish much, but not alone. He always invites us to Ask for all things we are in need of.

A New Color of Love

I just finished reading Ally Condie's latest novel Crossed which is the second book in her Matched Trilogy. I don't remember much about the first book since I read it so long ago but this one was such a pleasure. Much of it takes place in slot canyons which, as you may know, are some of my favorite places to play. And the way she describes the scenery of the canyons took me away to some of my favorite hideaways, like Zion and Arches, the Fiery Furnace and Bryce. But the book is also full of descriptions of love that I found beautiful and poetic. I wanted to quote my favorite so I would remember it...

Ky

"When I was small my mother tried to teach me the colors. "Blue," she said, pointing to the sky. And "blue" again, the second time pointing to teh water. She told me I shook my head because I could see that sky blue was not always the same as water blue.

It took me a long time-until I live in Oria-to use the same word for all the shades of a color.

I remember this as we walk through the canyon. The Carving is orange and red, but you'd never see this kind of orange and red back in the Society.

Love has different shades. Like the way I love Cassia when I thought she'd never love me. The way I loved her on the Hill. The way I love her now that she came into the canyon for me. It's different. Deeper. I thought I loved her and wanted her before, but as we walk through the canyon together I realize this could be more than a new shade. A whole new color."

I often think about how my love for Ryan has changed throughout the years. It's amazing that you could ever love someone more than just a few years ago or even a few weeks ago. And yet life, and challenges, and experiences change us, add layers to us, shades us. This passage struck home to me because it was such a perfect way to describe how I feel.

Oh My Wednesday

I've said before that Wednesdays are jinxed and today was no exception. I think next Wednesday I'll stay in bed and see if anything still goes wrong.

I had the day all planned, carpools arranged, babysitters scheduled, lunches packed, diaper bag packed, all so I could take Eden to Primary Children's in Riverton for an EGD and biopsy of her throat. We had to leave at 7 am which meant I needed to be up at 5:45 am. So, last night, Dallin got the stomach flu. He was sick all night. I checked on him at 2:30 and heard him again at 4:40 but couldn't quite drag myself out of bed for that one because I had gotten up at 3:00 ready to give Evelyn medicine because she had been fussing a lot but she fell back asleep before I got the medicine ready.

I still got up at 5:45 and got myself ready. Then I checked on Dallin again. He wanted more Sprite. As I went to get it out of the fridge in the garage I dropped it. When I opened it in the sink in the kitchen, very slowly and carefully, it exploded all over me. I cleaned up the floor and the counter, took Dallin his Sprite and changed my whole outfit.

Somehow I got out the door with Eden by 7:08. Grandma came to take care of the baby and Cameron left for orchestra. Then Grandma called and told me Austin was laying on his floor complaining his stomach hurt. I was well on my way and felt complete despair. Grandma was taking Eve to Joy's at 10:30 because she had a big Relief Society lunch to put on. I couldn't leave Austin with Dallin because Dallin couldn't even move. What was I going to do? Then it came to me. Cameron. Cameron has already had the flu and is super helpful.

So Grandma took the baby to Joy's, checked Cameron out of school and took her home to take care of Dallin and Austin. Austin ended up definitely being sick but Cameron did a great job getting her brothers Sprite and blankets and turning on a movie.

I got home in time to get Cameron back to school for lunch. They were having pizza. But Eden was still pale and dizzy from her procedure and I had no where to put her. So she laid down in my bed with the ipad while the boys each took a couch in the living room.

I still had to pick up school carpool and get Cameron to piano and play practice, all the normal Wednesday madness this afternoon, all while ferrying cups of Sprite to three sick kids.

Fortunately, Evelyn has been a doll and super happy today. She's been practicing standing all by herself and goes from room to room checking on all her siblings. She's so much happier when her whole family is home with her.

The other good news is that Eden's throat is fine. There is no inflammation from her acid reflux. So now I just have to wait for the results of the biopsy and blood work. Hopefully that will give us some answers as to what she's allergic to and what is causing her heartburn.

So, I survived another Wednesday. But like I said, I think next week I'll skip it.

She's Standing

The day after I got home from the retreat Evelyn had a little surprise for me!

She doesn't stand for very long but at least she can do it. Does this mean she'll start walking now?

Mom's Retreat

This year our annual retreat was from Wednesday night January 11th to Saturday morning January 14th. It was nice to have the extra day. I felt very relaxed but still got a lot done and had a lot of fun. I even had time to go running...

and on Thursday Kelly and I made a special trip to the temple.

I always love this weekend because I get to spend time visiting with the wonderful friends that I miss so much from the Canyon Ridge Ward.

Like the twins...

and my best friend Kelly,

and so many wonderful women who have influenced my life in many ways. These women helped teach me about motherhood and how to raise my children. I look to them for advice and look up to them as examples of righteousness.  They were also there for me during some of my greatest challenges and were a huge support to me. I feel so blessed to have friends like these in my life.

I also look to them to have lots of fun and some of these ladies are downright wild and hillarious. It felt good to laugh long and late into the night. Or even when waiting in a crazy long line for the Friday night dinner...

I'm not a very good late night person but I managed to stay up way past my bedtime to play some games, eat too many treats and watch movies in the packed theater room.

Friday night is always the biggest night at the retreat. I think we had over 50 women there that night. It was amazing and inspiring.

A little later that night 14 of us crammed into the hot tub. Poor Aniesa didn't have very much room and got stuck out in the cold.

And then, Saturday morning I woke up with the flu. It didn't make for a very close "Smith" picture. Nobody wanted to hug the "contagious" one. I was just impressed I managed to stand long enough for the picture. I felt pretty miserable.

So my weekend got extended a little longer when I got home and Ryan took care of everything so I could sit on the couch and feel miserable for the rest of the day.

Sunday Sweetness

On Sunday afternoon January 8th Eden brought up the ponies to play with Evelyn. They played so sweetly together. It made for a wonderfully quiet afternoon.

Things always get a little crazier when Austin gets involved but they still had a good time.

First Birthday Party

For Evelyn's first birthday I made her favorite dinner, Fried Rice, and this beautiful cake with homemade frozen yogurt. Grandma Sheri and Grandpa Darrell joined us for dinner. 

Evelyn loves Fried Rice but I guess she wasn't in the mood for peas that night. She would take a big bite of rice with carrots, peas, egg, ham, etc. and just spit out the peas. Every time, pop, pop, out they would come. It was hillarious. Ryan got it on video.

I think the other kids were more excited for her presents. She just loved playing with the bows.

She loves books so she was ready to be done with presents when she opened this book. Usborne books has such a nice selection of board books for babies.

She definitely didn't know what to do with the candle on her cake but it got taken care of by the rest of the kids.

Evelyn's first birthday was an emotional rollercoaster for me. It wasn't so much because she's my last baby as it was that I couldn't believe how fast this year went by. I look at this year as someone might who has just climbed a mountain or ran their first marathon. I did it! I made it through a crazy year with five kids and although Evelyn had no schedule, rarely gets more than two hours of naps during the day, gets shuffled in and out of the car constantly and gets manhandled by all her siblings she survived. And she is a pleasant, happy, beautiful person to be around. She fits right in to this crazy house and adds a dimension that I couldn't have anticipated. Cameron loves to read her stories, Eden will play dolls with her, Austin wrestles and chases her all over the living room while she squeals in delight, and Dallin holds and comforts her when she just needs to be loved. Everyone in the family has a special relationship with her and each of their talents shines in the way they treat her. I never anticipated seeing so much love in and around one little person. Our family has come together to help take care of and raise Evelyn. The load is not on my shoulders alone and I appreciate everyone's willingness to help. It allows me to help everyone else in their own turn. I think I am just in awe of how family's can come together and get closer during challenging times. The Lord definitely knew that Evelyn needed to be a part of our family and I'm glad I had the faith in him to take that leap.

Evelyn Turns One!

On January 6th Evelyn turned one. She isn't walking yet or even standing. She is completely comfortable with crawling and she's pretty fast too. I got her this little truck for Christmas thinking it would encourage her to walk more. The morning of her birthday I found her over by my winter decorations with her truck pulling the little snow animals off the table. When I turned back I saw her walking the truck with the little animals tucked in the back!

It's so hard to get a picture of her doing anything cute because she inevitably stops doing it once I pull out the camera. She pulled her dolls off the tuck and posed for a picture. What a ham!

But it was soon back to fun and games. I just wish this meant she was going to walk soon.

Big Brother

Thursday nights are usually the most quiet in our house. We get homework done early and have time to relax before bedtime. Evelyn took full advantage of Dallin's undivided attention to play peak a boo for about half an hour. It was really cute. This chair has a hole in the back and she would duck down and say "hi" then pop up over the chair and say "hi".

pictures taken January 5, 2012

Brush Your Teeth

Evelyn loves watching me brush my teeth so I bought her one of her own. I helped her brush her teeth in the bathroom then set her down to finish getting ready for the day. When I came out to the living room this is what I saw, except she was happily watching tv while brushing her teeth.

I sat down on the floor with her and we read a few stories together. It's nice to have a morning when I don't have to rush out the door to run errands. I decided to capture the moment.

pictures taken January 4, 2010

Christmas Fun Extended

Ryan's sister came up to Utah with her family for a few days after Christmas. The kids had so much fun with their cousins but the best part was getting one more day when Deb and Stu decided to wait until Wednesday January 4th to return home. Our kids started school on the third but spent the rest of that afternoon playing games with their cousins.

When it was finally time to say goodbye they were all smiles. It was a great Christmas break.

What I Know

I just got back from my annual Retreat weekend. It was wonderful and as in the past I spent most of the weekend scrapbooking, in a sense. My scrapbooking has changed into blogging and my blogs get turned annually into a book that I publish just for my family, like a scrapbook. So I spent the weekend copying posts from the year 2010 into a book that I will publish when I'm finished. I've been enjoying reading these past posts and as I'm going through the year I'm feeling a sense of identity and pride in who I am. I look back on that year as particularly hard because it was the year I chose to have my last baby. It was a hard choice and a hard pregnancy and that's all I seem to remember. But as I've read these posts and looked at all the pictures of the places we traveled to and the activities we did I am amazed at how much I accomplished and how much of it I did with a smile. I was pretty sure I didn't smile at all that year.

I've also noticed something else. I've spent the last thirteen years of my life raising children. I often feel like that's all I've done and that's all I am. But reading these past posts has shown me how much I've grown and how much I've learned. I am a mother but I have also become a teacher, a fashion coordinator, a chef, a mass production manager, a photographer, an event planner, a project manager, a cheerleader, a psychiatrist, a veterinarian,  a doctor, and most of all a writer.

I am so grateful for these posts or in other words, a written account, by me, of what I have accomplished. Otherwise I know I would have forgotten these things. Especially the day to day experiences that disappear if they aren't written down. It's the little stories that I have found touch my heart the most. The funny things the kids have said or the small accomplishments I have made. All these little things are adding up as I read and I can't help but feel a sense of self worth. I know who I am through the deeds that I've done and the things that I learned because I wrote them down.

A Special Visit

The day after Christmas was very relaxing and ended with a nice dinner with Ryan's family. Thursday we took three of the kids to my sister Jacque's house and Dallin went and stayed with his cousin Kolby so Ryan and I could take a trip with the baby to St. George. It was a quick trip but totally worth it. It was the first time in 10 years I've been able to see one of my best friend's from high school, Shannon. I finally got to meet her sweet husband Tim and her beautiful two month old baby girl Ava Jane. They were visiting her mom who has lived in St. George for the past seven years.

We had a really nice dinner with Ryan's friend Mark and his wife Eliza who also live in St. George and then went to see Shannon for an hour or so Thursday night and then for a couple more hours on Friday morning. It was nice to get caught up on her life and know that she is happy and doing really well. She also put the pressure on me to get going with plans for our twenty year reunion in 2012. After such a nice visit I felt more motivated to get together with old friends even if it means organizing the event.

On a side note, Ryan's sister Deb decided to make a trip up to Utah that same week. We met them in Cedar City on our way down to St. George and their way up to stay with Rich and Joy. We chatted for a few minutes and then were back on our way. When we got back into town we spent the next couple of days getting the cousins together for late nights and play dates and dinners and all sorts of fun.

Finally, Christmas Day! Woohoo!

We woke the kids up at 7 am Christmas morning so they would have time to see their Santa present before church. We had church at 9 am!

I was a little stressed about giving the kids enough time for their gift and a nice breakfast and still get to church on time but it all worked out smoothly. We had a really wonderful sacrament meeting. Brother Harris gave a wonderful talk on the Savior and his atonement for us and then ward members were invited to come share their testimony about their favorite hymn and we all sang the first verse of that hymn. Most of the songs were Christmas ones but there were a few other hymns too. The spirit was really song and I had to wipe my eyes a few times. It was a wonderful way to feel the spirit of Christmas.


When we got home I was worried Evelyn would be too tired to open presents but I also didn't want to make the kids wait a couple more hours either. So we decided to push Evelyn a little longer and open presents. It worked out really well because when we finally did put her down for a nap she slept for almost 4 hours!

Everyone seemed really happy with their gifts. Some of the hits were: a pass for four weeks of snowboarding lessons at Sundance for Dallin, a Kindle Fire for Cameron, a helicopter for Austin, skis for Eden, and a ride on toy for Evelyn.

It was a wonderful Christmas and I was so happy when it was all over. :)

Christmas Eve

We went to Grandma Bobbi's for dinner on Christmas Eve. She had a big bag of gifts for every family. After dinner each family took a turn opening their gifts so Grandma could watch all the children's faces.

Like this one

This little purse that Evelyn got has turned out to be one of her most favorite toys. Who knew a little baby girl would love to have a purse? Did I even need to ask that?

We love watching Grandmas face when she opens our presents too.